OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

EDUCATION
School: Top notch
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don’t Ask

EMPLOYMENT
NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/99-Present) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
RESIDENT INHALER (1/05-Present) Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.

COMPUTER SKILLS
*Solitaire *Minesweeper * FIFA 2005*On/Off Repair Method

HONORS AND AWARDS
*First Place in the inter-hostel Treasure hunt *Said Toast for friend’s birthday *High Score on Theta Chi’s Pin Ball Machine